Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Green Police


You are driving your Audi into Maryland from a neighboring state and find yourself at a border checkpoint with heavily armed soldiers and guard dogs. You see dogs sniffing the cars in line in front of you and people holding hand held sensors following along.

They must be looking for illegal narcotics, you think to yourself.

Soon the dogs reach your vehicle and start barking at pulling at their leashes. Three armed officers run to your car and open your door.

"Get out of the car, sir"

"What's wrong?" You ask as you comply. They motion for you to move away from the car, and you comply. The men with the hand held sensors have arrived, one of the armed officers stands next to you. You feel very nervous, something is amiss here.

Then you look closer at the badge next to you, Environmental Protection Agency. Now you are really worried. You wish it was the DEA instead.

"Sir your vehicle is emitting an illegal amount of carbon and other particulates. Under the federal and state statutes here in Maryland we have to impound the car and have it destroyed" the woman in the white shirt tells you. You start to respond that the car had passed inspection just months ago but then you see the logo on her shirt: Climate Response Unit.

People have been disappeared by the CRU. Everyone hears the stories, everyone knows someone who just vanished one day or night. Illegal light bulbs could get you fined and multiple violations could mean serious jailtime. Fireplaces had been torn down for most people, a few of the high and mighty still kept and used theirs, without hassle.

Some pigs are more equal than others.

"I complied with all regulations" you plead, "I don't see how it is out of line now",

You think about the daughter who expected to see you, the grandchilds fourth birthday party you will probably miss. Where is grandpa? Jail? Missing?

"This is a serious offense sir"

"But I complied, I always comply"

Your head drops to your chest as they pull your arms behind you.

"You are guilty until proven otherwise. You have a right to admit guilt. You have a right to pleadge loyalty and compliance to the state and its regulations...."

"I always comply" you whisper to no-one in particular.

1 comment:

  1. Your persecution complex is just the most adorable thing I've ever seen :)

    Shine on, you crazy diamond.